Harakiri For The Sky
Arson
1. Fire, Walk with Me
How can we forgive ourselves?
For what we have become?
How should we bear this burden?
Displace the things we've done?
I loved you so fucking much
It nearly lasted a lifetime
Fuck! I scratched my heart out
Just to watch it bleed...
I wish I was kerosene, just to set myself on fire
I wish I was kerosene, I'd burn all we've edified
I wish I was kerosene, plain to set your world on fire
I wish I was kerosene... just to feed the flames
And a bottle of whiskey later I can still recall the shape of your face
While I forgot my way home, while I forgot my own fucking name...
Who even calls this place home?
In the best case it's a grave with a view
I was never really here
But the streets still seem to know my name
Stay! Never mind the emptiness!
Leave! Fire walks with me!
You kept a lot of secrets and I kept none
I wish I could go back and keep some...
I usually keep my sadness
Pent up deep inside
Where it can fester quietly
To become mental illness
You were so fucking afraid
You might be living a lie
Oh poor you...
I may have lived like twenty!
I wish I was kerosene, just to set myself on fire
I wish I was kerosene, I'd burn all we've edified
I wish I was kerosene, plain to set youself on fire
I wish I was kerosene... at least to feed the flames
This will never be about life
Always about love and death
These are the only things that make me write
The things that let me bleed, that let me starve
The soil below me whispers my name and suggests:
You are done here... come home now?
Face the triangle of growth, decline and decay
Cause the harder you struggle, the tighter the noose!
...the tighter the noose!
2. The Graves We've Dug
It happened in December
In the days when things get sad for no reason
Strangers share a drink called loneliness
And this city turns into the coldest place
Then I keep you in mind from time to time
I resist to scream your name out loud
I'm sorry I gave you everything I had
Without making sure you ever desired it...
People get tired of being sad, being pushed aside
And then they leave, even though they promised they would not
And it's not as if I did not try, but somewhere between being who you needed
And being who I should become, I became a stranger to us both
Teach your heart how to cherish the people around you before they depart
You know they surely will, if not by a choice, death steals them away
And you'll have the remains of your life to dwell in regrets
Cause the gallows won't disappear, and for sure the graves won't fill
...and for sure the graves won't fill...
This is the death of our youths
The requiem to our dreams
Almost thirty summers passed
And dropped down on me like fallen leaves
No, we didin't even ask for happiness... just a little less pain
Now we sing and drink besides the graves we've dug
Perhaps one day we will meet again
Two stars colliding for another time
Recognizing the pieces of ourselves
We left behind in each other's heart
So search for me in the pitch black night
When the stars hide behind the clouds
And my heart longs for you
Whatever you do... search for me
Steal my heart in autumn, where I fall in love by time
We roam the fields together, counting stars and fighting sleep
No, I'm not feeling better yet, it seems I just got used to the words
Cause the gallows won't disappear, and for sure the graves won't ever fill
This was the death of our youths
This was the requiem to our dreams
Almost thirty summers passed
And dropped down on me like fallen leaves
No, we didn't even ask for happiness, no, just a little less pain
This is where we sing and drink besides the graves we've dug...
...besides the graves we've dug...
3. You Are the Scars
Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness
It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift
It took me years to realize you teared my heart through fordable mires
But I wasn’t made for shallow waters, my heart is an ocean…
And I think that’s where I am right now: Floating, drifting away
Too weak to continue swimming, yet not weak enough to give up and sink
Leastwise I know now, that salty waters might cure everything
Shedding tears… …or to walk into the sea…
Did you know, if you hold your breath all too long
You will finally sleep forever?
Did you know, that I never forgave myself
For what we’ve become?
How odd I can have all of this inside me
And to you it’s just words, another letter???
But what is loss? What is wealth?
I am nothing! We are nothing…!
We are nothing…!
I am the mourning
You are the scars
I am the night
Color me black
I am the mourning
You are the scars
I am the night
Color me black
There’s a place in my heart that will never be filled
And even during the best and the greatest times
I will know it… …more than ever
I will know it… …more than ever
In another night, in another world
Things could have been so different
In another night, in another world
Things would have been so different
I am the mourning
You are the scars
I am the night
Color me black
I am the mourning
You are the scars
I am the night
Color me black
4. Heroin Waltz
Somewhere there‘s a garden of everlasting love within me
But I fear that all you can see are the scars that grace my skin
These lightless walks will chafe us and just the drugs keep us warm
People feel so lonely in the dark, I feel so lonely in the light
I feel so sad about the people
That never made it behind the bars of their hometown
That never saw these bottomless depths
That never walked these mires, I have walked
Worth the pain that has burned me and scarred my soul
For having been allowed to walk where I have walked
Which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth and back again
Under, far beneath, through it, in it… …and above…
My dear, the concept of „home“ is such a vague notion
As I can‘t stay in the same place for more than three days
Once you told me, that I‘ll never find home without leaving
But now I saw so many places, I at least forgot them all
So I’m lying in my bed, in my house
And all I want to do is to go home…
I had to promise them that I won’t go, but nevertheless I will leave
I’d like to think they must have known that I would do this one day
So I hope to arrive at my burial late, psychotic and wasted
Cause when it’s about death, I feel nothing at all
Nothing but anticipation
Nothing at all
And I will never regret all the wounds you inflicted on me
Cause another two of these scars and the world is dead
For how I harmed you my dear… …I am sorry…
But as this last summer passed I could no longer bear the pain
This was our last autumn and I’ll take the blame
…I’m so fucking sorry… …but that’s how it ends…
5. Tomb Omnia
You never were aware of me since you died certain years before my birth
I’m about your age now, soon to attain the days you lost your vital spark
Although you‘re not my father, I’m nevertheless your daughters‘ brother
We will never meet in person and I’ll never lay roses, just thorns to your grave
It was more than three decades ago they found you close to the woods
Your gaunt dead body, held by nothing but this plaited noose
My sister was with them, till today she failed to forget
To her you will never age, your face will never grow old
These days of autumn at least wrecked their lives
And in the long run, somehow it too shattered mine
There’s no way anybody will get well again
And in no way, anybody will be the same again
There is this graveyard far up in the mountains
We met up there in last winter’s coldest night
When mom brought you dewy flowers
Like she did in all the years before
There’s so much death up there
Especially at night
Maybe that’s the reason
It’s the only place I feel home
I can totally get your motives
As I know of severity too
I was always aware that nothing ends with suicide
I was always aware that people die from sadness
We move up to the gallows, straight up to the noose
In this state of depression there’s no time left to loose
So we pour this tree, this life of reckless dedication
How couldn’t we? Our coffin’s shaped by its wood
I don’t know if you care
But your old cabin still guards the gates to the woods
It‘s still watching the mountains grow
Watching all these years passing by
And after death almost seized it
We gave our best to fill it with life
It still looks the same like back in the old days
As you‘d have left it just last June
6. Stillborn
I wonder if depression ever ends
Or if it will end me
I'm still dancing on the edge of the blade
Till it cuts me in half
Some days I feel everything at once
Other days I feel nothing at all
So what's worse?
Drowning beneath the waves or dying from the thirst?
I dropped my Prozac from one day to the other
I do not regret, why should I bother?
I just wonder what will happen?!
Maybe it will kill me... eventually set me free...
Neither do I ask the night to explain
I wait for it and it envelops me
And so you, me, gloom and light...
...and shadows... are
Don't charm away my melancholy, it's everything I've got
To me it's kind of death, but I'm forced to keep living
I won't glorify or romanticize what you call heartbreak
But nothing in this world was promised or belong to you
Someday someone won't be afraid of the lows I drag
They won't stay on the shore, they'll meet me in the depths
I am not dead but also not alive
I seem like a ghost with a beating heart
Cause death is not the greatest loss in life
But what dies inside us while we fledge
We are walking away quietly into empty spaces
We are trying to close the gaps of the past
Cause of all sad words of tongue or pen
The saddest are these: 'It might have been'
Don't charm away my melancholy, it's everything I've got
To me it's kind of death, but I'm forced to keep living
I won't glorify or romanticize what you call heartbreak
But nothing in this world was promised or belonged to you...
...was promised or belonged to you.
7. Voidgazer
To all those who acquiesced these scars
Just because they loved the person holding the knife:
It’s getting-even time… …for those I love, I’ll sacrifice…
And I’ll slit their throats with the knife they left in my back
Some say time heals
But I’m pretty sure that’s a lie
What they really mean
Is that you will eventually get used to the void
You will simply forget
Who you were without it
You’ll forget what you looked like
Without all these scars
You look like a winter night
My scars hold your dreams
I could sleep inside the cold of you
The hole in your heart that won’t close
Your breath resembles the kiss of death
Causing my thirst, holding these scars
Together we drank merely gangrene
Although without hesitation… …down in one…
You see, love could be labeled poison
Fuck it… …we would drink it anyway
Now this river will cleanse away our traces
May the bridges I burn light your way
Only the injured truly understand the wounded
Everything I touch turns into quicksand anyway
Sadly this life is my noose… …please hang me higher
I am this grave with a view… …the so-called void…
So why do you trouble yourself, my heart?
Maybe this wayfare will kill us
But weren’t we dying anyway?
…weren’t we dying anyway?
Cause only the injured can truly understand the wounded
When everything they touch turns into quicksand
Sadly this life is their noose, come on hang them higher
We are this grave with a view… …we are… …this void…
Thousand miles down the river, thousand winters upstream
What were we expecting, what did we bide to signify?
You may have been here, but you left the place very early
So let me go, let me leave! I never meant to stay anyway…
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