Harakiri For The Sky Arson 1. Fire, Walk with Me How can we forgive ourselves? For what we have become? How should we bear this burden? Displace the things we've done? I loved you so fucking much It nearly lasted a lifetime Fuck! I scratched my heart out Just to watch it bleed... I wish I was kerosene, just to set myself on fire I wish I was kerosene, I'd burn all we've edified I wish I was kerosene, plain to set your world on fire I wish I was kerosene... just to feed the flames And a bottle of whiskey later I can still recall the shape of your face While I forgot my way home, while I forgot my own fucking name... Who even calls this place home? In the best case it's a grave with a view I was never really here But the streets still seem to know my name Stay! Never mind the emptiness! Leave! Fire walks with me! You kept a lot of secrets and I kept none I wish I could go back and keep some... I usually keep my sadness Pent up deep inside Where it can fester quietly To become mental illness You were so fucking afraid You might be living a lie Oh poor you... I may have lived like twenty! I wish I was kerosene, just to set myself on fire I wish I was kerosene, I'd burn all we've edified I wish I was kerosene, plain to set youself on fire I wish I was kerosene... at least to feed the flames This will never be about life Always about love and death These are the only things that make me write The things that let me bleed, that let me starve The soil below me whispers my name and suggests: You are done here... come home now? Face the triangle of growth, decline and decay Cause the harder you struggle, the tighter the noose! ...the tighter the noose! 2. The Graves We've Dug It happened in December In the days when things get sad for no reason Strangers share a drink called loneliness And this city turns into the coldest place Then I keep you in mind from time to time I resist to scream your name out loud I'm sorry I gave you everything I had Without making sure you ever desired it... People get tired of being sad, being pushed aside And then they leave, even though they promised they would not And it's not as if I did not try, but somewhere between being who you needed And being who I should become, I became a stranger to us both Teach your heart how to cherish the people around you before they depart You know they surely will, if not by a choice, death steals them away And you'll have the remains of your life to dwell in regrets Cause the gallows won't disappear, and for sure the graves won't fill ...and for sure the graves won't fill... This is the death of our youths The requiem to our dreams Almost thirty summers passed And dropped down on me like fallen leaves No, we didin't even ask for happiness... just a little less pain Now we sing and drink besides the graves we've dug Perhaps one day we will meet again Two stars colliding for another time Recognizing the pieces of ourselves We left behind in each other's heart So search for me in the pitch black night When the stars hide behind the clouds And my heart longs for you Whatever you do... search for me Steal my heart in autumn, where I fall in love by time We roam the fields together, counting stars and fighting sleep No, I'm not feeling better yet, it seems I just got used to the words Cause the gallows won't disappear, and for sure the graves won't ever fill This was the death of our youths This was the requiem to our dreams Almost thirty summers passed And dropped down on me like fallen leaves No, we didn't even ask for happiness, no, just a little less pain This is where we sing and drink besides the graves we've dug... ...besides the graves we've dug... 3. You Are the Scars Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift It took me years to realize you teared my heart through fordable mires But I wasn’t made for shallow waters, my heart is an ocean… And I think that’s where I am right now: Floating, drifting away Too weak to continue swimming, yet not weak enough to give up and sink Leastwise I know now, that salty waters might cure everything Shedding tears… …or to walk into the sea… Did you know, if you hold your breath all too long You will finally sleep forever? Did you know, that I never forgave myself For what we’ve become? How odd I can have all of this inside me And to you it’s just words, another letter??? But what is loss? What is wealth? I am nothing! We are nothing…! We are nothing…! I am the mourning You are the scars I am the night Color me black I am the mourning You are the scars I am the night Color me black There’s a place in my heart that will never be filled And even during the best and the greatest times I will know it… …more than ever I will know it… …more than ever In another night, in another world Things could have been so different In another night, in another world Things would have been so different I am the mourning You are the scars I am the night Color me black I am the mourning You are the scars I am the night Color me black 4. Heroin Waltz Somewhere there‘s a garden of everlasting love within me But I fear that all you can see are the scars that grace my skin These lightless walks will chafe us and just the drugs keep us warm People feel so lonely in the dark, I feel so lonely in the light I feel so sad about the people That never made it behind the bars of their hometown That never saw these bottomless depths That never walked these mires, I have walked Worth the pain that has burned me and scarred my soul For having been allowed to walk where I have walked Which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth and back again Under, far beneath, through it, in it… …and above… My dear, the concept of „home“ is such a vague notion As I can‘t stay in the same place for more than three days Once you told me, that I‘ll never find home without leaving But now I saw so many places, I at least forgot them all So I’m lying in my bed, in my house And all I want to do is to go home… I had to promise them that I won’t go, but nevertheless I will leave I’d like to think they must have known that I would do this one day So I hope to arrive at my burial late, psychotic and wasted Cause when it’s about death, I feel nothing at all Nothing but anticipation Nothing at all And I will never regret all the wounds you inflicted on me Cause another two of these scars and the world is dead For how I harmed you my dear… …I am sorry… But as this last summer passed I could no longer bear the pain This was our last autumn and I’ll take the blame …I’m so fucking sorry… …but that’s how it ends… 5. Tomb Omnia You never were aware of me since you died certain years before my birth I’m about your age now, soon to attain the days you lost your vital spark Although you‘re not my father, I’m nevertheless your daughters‘ brother We will never meet in person and I’ll never lay roses, just thorns to your grave It was more than three decades ago they found you close to the woods Your gaunt dead body, held by nothing but this plaited noose My sister was with them, till today she failed to forget To her you will never age, your face will never grow old These days of autumn at least wrecked their lives And in the long run, somehow it too shattered mine There’s no way anybody will get well again And in no way, anybody will be the same again There is this graveyard far up in the mountains We met up there in last winter’s coldest night When mom brought you dewy flowers Like she did in all the years before There’s so much death up there Especially at night Maybe that’s the reason It’s the only place I feel home I can totally get your motives As I know of severity too I was always aware that nothing ends with suicide I was always aware that people die from sadness We move up to the gallows, straight up to the noose In this state of depression there’s no time left to loose So we pour this tree, this life of reckless dedication How couldn’t we? Our coffin’s shaped by its wood I don’t know if you care But your old cabin still guards the gates to the woods It‘s still watching the mountains grow Watching all these years passing by And after death almost seized it We gave our best to fill it with life It still looks the same like back in the old days As you‘d have left it just last June 6. Stillborn I wonder if depression ever ends Or if it will end me I'm still dancing on the edge of the blade Till it cuts me in half Some days I feel everything at once Other days I feel nothing at all So what's worse? Drowning beneath the waves or dying from the thirst? I dropped my Prozac from one day to the other I do not regret, why should I bother? I just wonder what will happen?! Maybe it will kill me... eventually set me free... Neither do I ask the night to explain I wait for it and it envelops me And so you, me, gloom and light... ...and shadows... are Don't charm away my melancholy, it's everything I've got To me it's kind of death, but I'm forced to keep living I won't glorify or romanticize what you call heartbreak But nothing in this world was promised or belong to you Someday someone won't be afraid of the lows I drag They won't stay on the shore, they'll meet me in the depths I am not dead but also not alive I seem like a ghost with a beating heart Cause death is not the greatest loss in life But what dies inside us while we fledge We are walking away quietly into empty spaces We are trying to close the gaps of the past Cause of all sad words of tongue or pen The saddest are these: 'It might have been' Don't charm away my melancholy, it's everything I've got To me it's kind of death, but I'm forced to keep living I won't glorify or romanticize what you call heartbreak But nothing in this world was promised or belonged to you... ...was promised or belonged to you. 7. Voidgazer To all those who acquiesced these scars Just because they loved the person holding the knife: It’s getting-even time… …for those I love, I’ll sacrifice… And I’ll slit their throats with the knife they left in my back Some say time heals But I’m pretty sure that’s a lie What they really mean Is that you will eventually get used to the void You will simply forget Who you were without it You’ll forget what you looked like Without all these scars You look like a winter night My scars hold your dreams I could sleep inside the cold of you The hole in your heart that won’t close Your breath resembles the kiss of death Causing my thirst, holding these scars Together we drank merely gangrene Although without hesitation… …down in one… You see, love could be labeled poison Fuck it… …we would drink it anyway Now this river will cleanse away our traces May the bridges I burn light your way Only the injured truly understand the wounded Everything I touch turns into quicksand anyway Sadly this life is my noose… …please hang me higher I am this grave with a view… …the so-called void… So why do you trouble yourself, my heart? Maybe this wayfare will kill us But weren’t we dying anyway? …weren’t we dying anyway? Cause only the injured can truly understand the wounded When everything they touch turns into quicksand Sadly this life is their noose, come on hang them higher We are this grave with a view… …we are… …this void… Thousand miles down the river, thousand winters upstream What were we expecting, what did we bide to signify? You may have been here, but you left the place very early So let me go, let me leave! I never meant to stay anyway…